Our choices for the best, the most, the biggest and the hottest in porn...

While these lists generally build suspense, much like the Academy Awards, by saving the biggest trophy for last, we will jump right in and start with the overall champ, the (artist formerly known as) Bruce Jenner of porn, excelling in every event….

HOTTEST PORN STAR

Alex Mecum

There is, plain and simple, not a hotter guy alive than Alex Mecum. That big muscular body, that big throbbing cock, that big hungry ass. He does literally everything there is to do in porn, and does it all better than anyone else, and with a smile on his face. Watch him onstage and backstage at Hustlaball, where he clearly can’t get enough of Rafael Alençar’s plus-size rod. He’s been around for a while and somehow looks way hotter now than in his early days. TOTAL STUD. He can be found on BBRT whoring out his hot porn star boyfriend Carter Dane.

HONORABL E MENTION

Josh Moore

A British beauty with a bountiful dong, and he knows how to use it. Model-gorgeous, he’s the perfect stud for Falcon’s glamour porn, but he’s also a total whore in OnlyFans videos where he’s clearly enjoying his work. A hard-pounding top, when he’s presented with a cock as huge as his own (and there aren’t many of those) he turns into a submissive, deepthroating bottom bitch. Watch him unload in Drae Axtell’s hot pussy on a beach after the two mega-hung studs trade suckjobs and fuck in the tide.

BEST BOTTOM

Ruslan Angelo

Ruslan Angelo lives for cock. He can put that beautiful body in pretty much any position—he’s very flexible—and still take a pounding. There have been so many hot bottoms in porn, but there’s something about watching Ruslan being worked over one-on-one or gangbanged at an orgy that redefines “power bottom.” Insatiable!

HONORABLE MENTION

Joey Mills

Certainly eligible for this title, but his amazing skills at sucking cock and taking it in his beautiful boyhole, as well as his own thick dong, make him even more the Hottest Twink in Porn (see below).

Dean Young

Dean Young, a flawlessly beautiful Irish porn whore, has only made a few videos so far, but every one of them features an absolutely massive rod stretching his accommodating ass while he moans and begs for more. Amazing cocksucker, too.

Allen King

Spanish, adorable, and hungry for every available cock, Allen King has been plowed by pretty much every hot top in porn, and somehow it never gets old. Neither does he. He could use a better haircut, but otherwise is totally adorable, which is an endearing quality in a raging slut.

BEST TOP

Rafael Alençar

This stud has been making porn for years, including a brief foray into his own Kristen Bjorn-style productions. He must have started young because he still looks good. His big, hot ass is controversial—is it real or surgically enhanced? It’s been spread and fucked a few times, but Rafael is known as a hard-driving top who shoots a load, rams his rod back in and fucks until he blows again. Also infamous for his live sex shows and his risky public sex scenes (check out the video of him and Ben Andrews trading blowjobs on an actual NYC subway). He fucks in any number of outrageous positions and is capable of doing a 360-degree turn without ever taking his giant schlong out of the bottom’s ass.

HONORABLE MENTION

Rafael Carreras

The other Rafael also has a massive tool, also started young in condom porn as a mega-hung twunk, one of the first to blow his load into his partner’s mouth as cumswallowing made a return to porn. He’s aged well, and also knows how to pound a hungry slutboy in all manner of outrageous positions, pulling the full length of his prong out of the stretched hole then ramming it back in. Watch him as the top who had the honor of being the first to fuck Jesse Santana bareback (onscreen at least), or pulling out before he loses control and blows his huge load in Eli Lewis’s greedy cumhole.

HOTTEST TWINK

Joey Mills

Those big, blue bedroom eyes look up at the guy whose cock is being expertly serviced before Joey presents his hot boyhole for fucking. He has a long, thick cock that sometimes sees action (especially in his self-produced fuck scenes with beautiful boyfriend Angel Rivera), but it’s his bottoming skills that made him a superstar among the Helix twinks. Now that he’s moved on to other studios his pussy gets a more aggressive workout, and he seems to prefer it. Watch him stuck in the elevator, licked out and plowed by J.J. Knight.

HOTTEST DADDY

Tyler Roberts

His Ken Doll face has aged well and his amazing body and rigid cock are put to excellent use in porn, particularly when he’s plowing a younger stud. The younger they are, the greedier they seem to be to have that thick piece ramming in and out of their cunts. Watch him being ridden by a hot twink named Eryx or sharing Dakota Payne and Drake Rogers with huge hung Jeffrey Lloyd in a son-swapping fourgy.

BEST COCKSUCKER

Paul Canon and Calvin Banks

It’s a tie! These two versatile manwhores are the greatest cocksuckers in porn history, at least since deepthroat king Jake Andrews. They savor every inch, and they both have amazing technique. In the video Social Pressure we have the pleasure of watching them compete, each servicing two of the biggest cocks in porn (Jack Hunter, J.J. Knight, Pierce Paris, Michael del Ray) and showing us exactly what an expert mouth can do for a huge cock.

HONORABLE MENTION

Jack Hunter

Jack Hunter has an enormous cock but it’s never harder than when he has another stud’s cock down his magical throat. Those big blue eyes gaze up at the lucky stud whose cock is being swallowed and you can see Jack knows his power-- the top's insatiable need to have that wet mouth worshipping his tool. Gawky and gangly and at the same time breathtakingly beautiful, possibly the best kisser in porn, Jack takes loads in his perfect pink hole in some of his hottest videos, notably with then-boyfriend J. J. Knight.

Kayden Hylls

Kayden Hylls is so good at sucking cock and eating ass that even straight stud José Dones can’t get enough of his mouth. He knows how to take a cock in his ass, and how to fuck, but it’s watching him suck cock when we see him at his very best. He can take a gangbang, too. Much of his work seems to be with his boyfriend Tyler Hylls, who is far less exciting—but, happily, they often add one or more other studs to their activities.

BEST COCK RIDER

Vincent O’Reilly

Vincent O’Reilly has one of the most beautiful and talented asses in porn. And he clearly knows it. You can see the satisfaction on his face when the top pushes his cock in and experiences Vincent’s amazing bottoming skills. But it’s when he climbs on and slides that boypussy onto a bare, throbbing cock and starts riding that we see how truly gifted he is, as well as getting the full view of his smooth, round assmounds flexing and milking the rod in his hole.

BEST SOLO STUD

Reno Gold

Apparently, this beautifully-built gymnast makes a shit ton of money on OnlyFans; at least he gives interviews discussing his substantial income and real estate investments. He has video available of full-out sucking and fucking with a variety of guys, including other social media beauties and a faceless muscle boy reputed to be his Botox doctor. But he’s better known for his solo scenes, displaying his hot body in assorted spandex and underwear, fingering and dildo-fucking his muscular ass, and stroking a nice-sized cock to impressive orgasms.

BEST EXHIBITIONIST

Diego Summers

This Eurostud is a DJ as well as a stripper and porn stud, and judging from the videos, he’s happy to do all three jobs naked and hard. You can find clips of him driving that huge shaved cock into sluts like Ken Summers and Andy Starr on top of bars while the crowd spurs them on, and Diego has been known to get blowjobs from the audience during his strip appearances.

HONORABLE MENTION

ThongSlut

An OnlyFans show-off who uses the names ThongSlut and DDLovesUndies doesn’t technically qualify for this list, since he isn’t a true porn star. But he is one of the hottest exhibitionists online, strutting around Montreal bulging in tights and thongs, being fucked in locker rooms and parks and nightclubs, working his huge ass for an audience on the rooftop sundeck of the local bathhouse, and generally being a complete exhibitionist whore. He has a big, thick cock that fills out his slutwear, loves taking loads in his hole and throat, and, in rare glimpses of his face, is very good-looking.

Alam Wernick

Alam is a digital exhibitionist. The camera is a sex partner; he always has at least one recording when he sucks and fucks; he always seems like the kind of whore who can’t be bothered unless someone is watching. Which is great for us, because he’s a superb slut.

BEST PRECUMMER AND BEST CUMSHOT

Niko Reeves

Niko Reeves was a Playgirl model who became a Koala slutwear model—watch him “innocently” and "accidentally" spreading his ass to show his hot, hairless pussy when he changes gear in his Koala modeling video. Then, inevitably, he started doing porn. He was in amazing shape, which sadly did not last as he lost his looks and his hair but kept doing increasingly sleazier porn, at one time riding a cock on the asphalt in a parking lot. But in his prime, he did a scene with Brad Starr and rode Brad’s cock. Brad seems not to have been much into Niko, but while Niko is doing all the work, his cock produces a non-stop stream of precum while he rides. And this is on top of perhaps the greatest cumshot in the history of gay porn, so huge that even the perennially-detached Brad reacts as Niko’s load blasts on his pecs.

BEST TRADE TURNED FULL-SERVICE SLUT

William Seed

A giant mound of German muscle, William Seed started as a statue, being serviced and then delivering rote fucks to his partners. Aside from a hot foray into bottoming for superstud Alex Mecum and an amateur-looking scene being fucked raw, he was a condomized and uninspiring top ramming some of the hottest bottoms in porn (Joey Mills, Paul Canon, Ace Quinn). But more recently he has been posting content to his own website, and, in addition to fucking bare and giving up his own hard musclebutt as a bottom, Seed has actually started kissing! Whether this is a business maneuver or a moment of self-realization, who knows. But it’s hot to watch.

MOST GAY-FRIENDLY STRAIGHT PORN STUDS

Chris Diamond

This straight Eurostud started as a twink, who reminded one of Ava Gardner’s assessment of Frank Sinatra: “He weighs ninety pounds, and fifty pounds of that is cock.” Since then he’s pumped up some muscle to match the pumped-up muscle throbbing between his legs. Chris is publicized as the brother of massively hung straight porn stud Nacho Vidal (who has a serious fondness for having his ass eaten, and who directed a gay cocksucking video that features footage of his own dong being cast as a dildo). They look nothing alike beyond their supersized cocks. Chris accommodates his gay fan base with numerous solo scenes starring his huge—really huge—cock.

José Dones

José Dones classifies himself as a “straight guy who loves to do gay shit.” This seems to manifest itself as side-by-side cockstroking with other guys, being on the bed while two guys fuck, and, notably, being masterfully sucked and rimmed by Kaden Hylls, blindfolded at first, but then enthusiastically insisting that Kaden take his cock out and jack off while he sucks José’s shaved cock and eats his spectacular ass and perfect hole. Clearly Kaden is better at it than the tattooed biker chick who sets up the scene and starts the action.

BEST ORGY PIGS

The Men of Lucas Entertainment

He’s a revolting narcissist and exploiter of his models, but Michael Lucas manages to hire some of the hottest guys in porn, and to have enough sense to put lots of them in a scene together and turn them lose to fuck and suck like the sex pigs they are. The videos, needless to say, are much more arounsing when Lucas himself stays BEHIND the camera.

BEST DOUBLE FUCKERS

The Helix Twinks

They may be young, but the twinks of Helix videos are certainly fast learners. Helix regularly features doublefucking and, however it’s accomplished, it’s certainly accomplished. Never the kind-of, sort-of double fucking where one top barely manages to keep his cock in the bottom’s hole while the other top sort of thrusts, the Helix boys pound away in tandem, and in a variety of positions. Watch the Josh Brady, Ashton Summers and Travis Stevens threeway where every boystud takes his turn taking both the other cocks at the same time, each in a different position.

BIGGEST WHORE IN PORN

Jeff Palmer

First, “whore” is not a pejorative. Whore is an accomplishment. Who wouldn’t rather watch a whore in a porn video than someone who’s longing for a monogamous picket fence lifestyle?

In this category, we do look back to the past, because there can be only one… Many websites have featured endless details about the batshit crazy that is Jeff Palmer. The first superstar to go raw after a few years as an aggressive top for Falcon, once he went bare we got to see him in his element, taking cock in that magnificent whore ass, and never, ever letting a load go to waste. His top-of-the-line topping kept the bottoms stretched and moaning. Double dicks, gang bangs, sling action, sandwich fucking-- Jeff’s lust for cock and cum was palpable, and his perfect cock was always rock hard. His live shows were legend, as audience members lined up to suck that huge cock, and he always looks like he’s doing porn for fun more than money. His final show at Stonewall turned into a literally wall-to-wall orgy as Jeff serviced audience cock while the crowd took turns on Jeff's huge rod.

HONORABLE MENTION

Devin Franco

Devon Franco has no apparent limits, and no matter what’s in that hungry cunt-- one cock, two cocks, toys, fists—he takes it all with a smile on his face, and you know after the scene is over he’ll be hungry for more.

Armond Rizzo

Only 4’11”, this compact slut is a vision of perfection, passing that ass around, and tops take advantage of his size to bang him in the air, upside down, backwards and forwards. He’s done any number of live fuck shows.

Kyle Ross

This whore never, ever seems to get enough. Watch him blow a load with a raw cock in his pussy and then instruct the top to “keep fuckin’ me.” Not much to look at—until he has a cock in his mouth or ass.

Ruslan Angelo

One of the wildest sluts in porn, Ruslan can take a hard gang bang or draw all the focus in an orgy, but somehow even one-on-one he is a one man sex party.

Gabriel D’Allesandro

Starting out as a slutwear model for Koala, Gabriel can be seen in their videos using his talented mouth to make sure the other models’ cocks are as hard as his own. That big cock and his hot shaved hole get worked out in any number of low-production-value scenes, and his specialty is double-fucking, as both top and bottom.

IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

Mulletted and mustachioed Jersey trash named Nick was completely renovated by Matt Sterling and became Joey Stefano. A short guy with bad teeth was turned, again by Matt Sterling, into Jeff Stryker. A cheesy stripper with a mullet was made over by, you guessed it, Matt Sterling, and given a name that described his new image, Ryan Idol. Now, aspiring porn stars are on their own. But even without the support system, whether they have a sense of style or are simply blessed by nature, some porn stars look amazing...

MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN IN PORN

Roman Todd

A perfect face, a perfect body, beautifully styled and groomed, and a versatile stud who can ram it in or take something as huge as Rafael Alençar’s dong.

MOST BEAUTIFUL FACE IN PORN

Nico Leon

A decent body, and a good sexual performer, but Nico is most eye-catching in facial closeups. He could have been a legitimate model, but then we would have been deprived of seeing him ramming his cock into asses and filling his wet lips with stiff dick.

MOST BEAUTIFUL EYES IN PORN

Valentin Amour

Overall, one of the most gorgeous men ever to do porn, with a hot dancer’s body (his feet are always pointed when his legs are in the air) and an insatiable hunger for cock. But it’s those eye that are most amazing—green with long, black lashes, and a habit of looking up at his top when he sucks cock. Some would interpret this as submission, but it seems more an awareness of the power he has as a bottom, because any man with eyesight and a hard cock would do ANYTHING to experience this combination of beauty and whorishness.

MOST BEAUTIFUL LIPS IN PORN

Corbin Colby

Corbin has given interviews talking about how porn companies weren’t receptive to his biracial looks, which is both an indictment of those companies and apparently an indication that they don’t see very well. The body, the cock, the ass and the FACE. Wow. And those full, wet lips never look better than when they’re wrapped around a hard cock until they’re coated with hot cum. Or kissing. We love to watch Corbin kiss.

BEST HAIR IN PORN

Felix Fox

Those curls are made for grabbing when that hole is being pounded hard (the way he likes it). And the hair is just the icing on the cake—what a fucking body!

HONORABLE MENTION

Michael del Ray

A great head of James Dean hair, and he gives great head. He resembles Pete Davidson’s healthier, hotter brother.

WORST HAIR IN PORN

Alam Wernik

Why he wants to top off all that magnificence with a textbook example of overprocessing, who knows? He seems to be some variation of natural blond, though certainly not the electric platinum we usually see topping this bottom. The color isn’t the issue so much as the eggbeater style—he even does YouTube tutorials, though they should be presented as “Don’t Let This Happen to You.” He looks much better when Falcon gives him their trademark grooming treatment.

Kyle Ross

Kyle’s coif started as some kind of Bieber imitation and morphed into a succession of swirling, asymmetrical, peroxided concoctions, which he frequently and distractingly adjusted during sex scenes. He was never one of the real Helix beauties, but in scenes where he has less ridiculous grooming he is much hotter.

Casey Wood

Casey always looked like he was going for some kind of surfer look, with a perm and a bleach job, but it came across more as stoner. Too stoned to comb his hair. Usually it seemed like he wasn’t really trying, and in many scenes, he sports a cap. Later, he seems to have started losing his hair and ended up a cropped brunet. But, really, with a whopper like that, it’s unlikely his coiffure was the focus of the average viewer’s attention.

MOST PERFECT BODY IN PORN

Too many guys—in porn or out—seem to develop only certain parts of their bodies. These guys are perfect all over—including cocks and asses.

Sean Zevran

Perhaps THE best body in porn, and he knows how to use every inch.

Reno Gold

Gymnastics works out every body part it seems, and Reno shows them all. Unless you subscribe to his OnlyFans page, you mainly get the tease, but he can be found in action with other studs and the occasional dildo, as well as stroking himself to impressive loads.

Mathew Mason

In his early hardcore fuck scenes, Mathew wasn’t that impressive physically, but somewhere along the way he built up one of the most amazing bodies in porn, and can be found brazenly displaying it. He seems to love his ass as much as his fans do.

Jkab Ethan Dale

Seems like every Andrew Christian model either started in porn or makes the transition after hawking Christian’s poorly made slutwear. We’d much rather see Jkab naked. And with a cock in his ass.

Felix Fox

Another stud who has a completely developed body. He’s built like a gymnast, moves like a stripper, and fucks like a total whore.

BEST MAKEOVER IN PORN

Alam Wernik

Alam started as a skinny twink porn boy called Alfie Woods, without much of a body of work and without much of a body—though he certainly had an appeal. But then suddenly he was unveiled anew with an incredible body. There is debate over precisely how this was accomplished, but, really, who cares? He is beautiful and a raging slut, and he views the camera as a partner in every sexual encounter, so we can enjoy his superb skills at sucking cock, getting fucked, and taking loads in his ass or between those big beautiful lips. His own cock is sizeable but he’s such a raging bottom we rarely see it.

MOST BEAUTIFUL COCK IN PORN

Sean Zevran

Sean Zevran’s first porn appearance was as a “real man” in Playgirl, which published photos presented as reader submissions. He was beautiful then and he’s still beautiful, and he has the most perfect cock in porn. Rock hard, arching upward, and often shaved smooth (the better to feel it sliding in and out of a throat or hole), it may not be the most enormous cock in videos (though it certainly appears sizeable) but no cock is more perfect.

HONORABLE MENTION

Drae Axtel

Andrew Christian model and Lucas Entertainment bottom Drae Axtel is notable for the staggering size of his cock. However, although he has been known to pump that rod into another guy’s ass, Drae seems to be a bottom, and his big, huge, enormous, gorgeous cock is never fully hard until he has a cock down his throat or pounding into his ass. Which, by the way, is also beautiful. As is his face.

Corbin Colby

Beautiful, smooth, and bulging in all the right places, Corbin Colby was one of the hottest boys at Helix, not as twinkish as his costars, though young and fresh. He is versatile, so that big round ass has hosted plenty of cocks, but his own rod is long and thick and looks amazing ridden by a hungry slut like Joey Mills (just listening to Corbin say “I think you should sit on it” is enough to inspire an orgasm). He seems to have retired, other than making OnlyFans videos with his boyfriend, and he’s not in the shape he was, but in his prime—that cock!

Diego Mattos

Diego looks like he’s not the biggest guy in town—until his pants come off. His cock is MASSIVE, shaved smooth, and at its best thrusting in and out of hungry sluts like Dean Young and Sean Austin. He’s a multiple load shooter, so don’t tune out after he cums—he’s likely to keep fucking until he unloads again.

Kris Blent

Kris Blent is on the gangly side, bodywise, and his face needs to be carefully photographed, but he has the enviable assets of a perfect hole AND a perfect cock, long, thick, perfectly shaped, and very skilled. Since he’s supposed to be 6’6” his rod must be absolutely huge—in fact, the biggest cock at Staxus.

HOTTEST HUGE-HUNG BOTTOM

A threeway (we wish): Drae Axtell, Jack Hunter and Casey Woods

These three performers are notable for the massive size of their dongs—and for the fact that, while they do fuck ass, they are essentially bottoms, and none of those rods is ever really hard unless the studs' mouths or asses are being filled with hard cock. Drae and Jack are a real beauties, while Casey is, at best, nondescript in terms of face and body. But those cocks! It does seem a shame that they don’t really love slamming those plus-size prongs into hungry boyholes… wasted potential perhaps.

MOST JAW-DROPPING (AND JAW-BREAKING) COCK

Eduardo Picasso

One of those skinny boys with huge cocks, Eduardo Picasso takes both to the extreme. This undernourished body is attached to a cock that hangs almost to Eduardo’s knees and is truthfully thicker than his wrist. You see the photos and think, “OK, this is Photoshopped.” And then you see the videos where porn’s most capable cockwhores can’t begin to take Picasso’s masterpiece. While there are some powerbottoms who can eventually take the whole length in the ass, so far no one has been able to swallow more than a third of this monster. While you have to admire the magnificent size of this whopper, you can’t help but feel a bit sorry for a stud who will likely never experience the pleasure of being deepthroated. Unless perhaps Jake Andrews comes out of retirement....

MOST BEAUTIFUL ASS IN PORN

Hayden Brier

This beautiful twink has the most perfect ass since Chris Stone, and he knows how to show it off. He often seems detached in his scenes (looks like he has no interest in Pierce Paris) but when he’s on, he’s amazing. Blake Mitchell has never seemed so turned on as when he has his tongue in Hayden’s pussy, and Hayden returns the interest with some serious cockriding.

Mathew Mason

Mathew the magnificent exhibitionist doesn’t do much fucking on camera anymore. He started as a raging bottom but now seems more likely to display his perfect muscular ass in solo scenes. The slutty thong tanline frames that big shaved ass and his tramp stamp leads the way to one of the hottest holes in porn.

Jkab Ethan Dale

This Andrew Christian model gives us what we want from a slutwear model—the chance to see him in hardcore sucking and fucking action. And unlike, say, Pablo Hernandez, Jkab does NOT disappoint in his porn work. Very flexible, he can take cock in some outrageous positions. He’s never been hotter than being plowed by Austin Wolfe on a dining table for OnlyFans while an almost naked camera man clearly enjoys his job.

Draven Navarro

Draven looks like he’s done a few too many steroids, and he should never, ever be allowed to speak in his videos, but when the focus is on that enormous, muscular ass and shaved mancunt, he’s inspiring.

MOST PERFECT HOLE IN PORN

Kris Blent

Dutch and well over six feet tall, Kris Blent started with bareback twink porn at Staxus, then moved to a British condom porn company and now seems primarily to jack off on OnlyFans. His earlier work is the notable oeuvre, and he is just as likely to have his huge shaved cock in some other boy’s cunt as he is to have his ass up and open, waiting to be used. He has a tendency toward ludicrous haircuts and too much cheekbone contour makeup, but from the waist down, he can’t be topped, although he is often topped.

Alam Wernik

An odd looking boy who is at times very beautiful but, alternately, too plastic pretty, Alam has an incredible body and a huge cock that is rarely featured, because he has one of the most insatiable asses in porn, and those big assmounds frame an exquisite boyhole, always smooth, always ready to ride. He’s a noisy bottom and seems to put every sexual encounter on video.

BEST SHAVE JOB IN PORN

Sean Zevran

He’s magnificent in any iteration, just as adept at dominating a hungry bottom as he is when being completely plowed by one or more huge stiff cocks. But totally smooth, you can see every detail of that perfect body and rock hard, arching cock.

HOTTEST PORN FETISH

Thongs

Thong tanlines had their porn heyday in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, with stars like Chris Stone, Joey Stefano, and Trent Reed featuring the “stripper tan” that framed their talented asses. One rarely sees that tanline now, but it seems like every porn stud has at least one video featuring thongs, often (and most arousingly) left on during the fucking. Josh Moore, Sean Zevran, Armond Rizzo and other hot porn boys seem to understand the appeal of that tiny strip of spandex being pushed aside while their holes are being pounded. The two British studs who go by the screen name Bricklayer can be seen fucking with thongs on, the cock encased in spandex as it rams a thonged ass. And all the slutwear companies—Andrew Christian, Koala, etc.—offer a wide variety of thongs to facilitate the action.

BEST THONGED ASS IN PORN

Sean Austin

This submissive British bottom is often seen servicing massive cocks while wearing items from a seemingly vast wardrobe of slutwear. His big, smooth, round ass looks particularly fuckable as he rides raw cocks, thong pushed to the side but still framing his glossy assmounds. He can deepthroat the biggest cocks in porn.

MOST PLAYED-OUT TREND IN PORN

Tattoos

So many porn stars seem to have no limits to the number of tattoos they will sport; presumably such prime real estate is ripe for decoration and some of the ink is art, to the extent that it’s impossible to designate a “best” in this category (though Vincent O’Reilly’s floral opus might be high on the list). But at what point does all this no-longer-cutting-edge trendiness go too far? We think there are a few no-nos. A badly positioned tattoo that doesn’t take into account the anatomical location, ineptly designed or applied tattoos that look more like a prison hobby, gun tattoos (especially in the vicinity of the cock—c’mon guys, do you have to be so heterosexual?), and the over-the-top circus sideshow approach—especially anything on the dick or on the face. Or the head (we're looking at you, Sagat). Boys, boys, boys… you’re making a living naked. Make sure you pay attention to what you are having permanently etched on those bodies.

WORST TATTOO IN PORN

Dakota Payne

We love Dakota. He excels at sucking cock, and that big, round ass is made to be fucked. But WTF is that mess on his arm? It looks like someone couldn’t decide on a design and just kept layering them, then made a mistake with the colors. Oh, and that new addition under his pecs. Why?

WORST TATTOO COLLECTION

Mickey Taylor

Anyone as beautiful as Mickey Taylor who proceeds to distract from that beauty—including the biggest no-no, a facial tattoo—should be spanked. Hard and often. We think Mickey might like that.

WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!?!

Bo Sinn

Amazing body, massive dong, and unremarkable face, all of it completely covered in horrid tattoos, including multiple face tattoos. And seeing a tattoo on a cock can only make a viewer fixate on the pain involved. Perhaps that’s the point?

LEAST EMBARASSING DELIVERY OF DIALOGUE

Calvin Banks and Michael del Ray

Most porn stars should never be allowed to speak, other than dirty talk and moaning. Still, some companies insist on having their performers act. It’s bad enough that whoever is writing this shit is so inept, but then we have the awkward delivery of lines. A few porn stars can manage to pull this off before pulling themselves off, notably Calvin and Michael. Both of whom, conveniently, are amazing sexual performers with huge cocks, skilled throats, and willing holes.

MOST BEAUTIFULLY-LIT MODELS

Bel Ami

The Bel Ami models run the gamut from incredibly hot to barely-mobile statues, always beautiful but not always great at sex. Their best studs—Kevin Warhol, Jack Harrer, Adam Archuleta—are fantastic sexual performers. But no matter the sexual skill level, these boys always look spectacular. Apparently, the director is a graduate of UCLA’s film program; certainly, the videos have perfect lighting. In a world of self-produced videos shot on stationary or POV camera phones, Bel Ami (along with Falcon) is a reminder of what porn can look like when it has actual production values.

HONORABLE MENTION

Helix

The ultimate twink studio, Helix actually pays attention to production design and lighting. Each set has a controlled color palette and some kind of theme (heavy on dorm room), and the already beautiful twink studlets are well-lit and nicely photographed. For most viewers, the heat level of the fucking is the most crucial element, but for some of us it’s nice when hot slutty sex is performed in good lighting.

BIGGEST TRASH IN PORN

Johnny Rapid

He claims to be gay for pay despite doing dozens if not hundreds of porn scenes having flagrantly gay sex. He apparently has a track record of domestic violence accusations against him. For a “straight” guy he was also the biggest cockwhore in porn for a while, before he became a top. (And does anyone get off watching Johnny Rapid fuck ass?) But essentially, he’s trailer trash who started out sort of cute but ain’t ageing well. Do porn viewers really find him arousing? And, if so, why?

BIGGEST BONER KILLER

Michael Lucas

He was unappealing when he was young and working for Falcon, and age has definitely withered him and custom staled his variety, which was never that infinite to start with. Beyond the lack of physical appeal, compounded by his trademark “duckface” pout, are the accounts of his nasty personality, his exploitation and mistreatment of his models, and his strong-arming of gay organizations with his sugar daddy’s money. Way over the hill, he continues to cast himself in his own movies, visibly directing the models to do what he wants them to do, and always insisting that the hottest stars service his cock. The perks of signing the paychecks, we suppose. Put your protruding lips and cock away and retire, already.